This summer has been rolling along, and it seems as though our unofficial theme has been “stay the course”. We have been taking it one day, one week, at a time. In my pregnancy, I have reached the level of huge, currently carrying a total of 9lbs of baby. Though strangers are now asking when I’m due, I’m still hoping and praying for 5 more weeks to get me to my goal of 37 weeks with these twins.This summer, Tony has continued the combination of Xalkori twice a day and a Nivolumab infusion every 2 weeks. He’s had some speed bumps: some increased pain after his infusions due to an immune-mediated response, a case of cellulitis that had him spending a night in the ER, and a car accident (that one the whole family was a part of– thankfully we came away without any injuries). Through all of this, Tony’s oncologist encouraged him that the pain is a normal part of Nivolumab treatment and we couldn’t see how effective it was until he had completed 4-5 months of therapy.
Tony went in for scans last week, and they found that the tumor had grown slightly, even after 4 months of combined treatments. So after talking with Dr. Rushing, we realized: we’ve exhausted all our options, and it is time for resection. Last Thursday when we heard that word resection it was completely surreal. The thought has been lingering in the back of our minds for 3 years now, and we’ve been trying everything possible to avoid it. And now, here we are face to face with the idea of a potentially life-altering surgery.We had an appointment on Wednesday with the urology surgeon and talked through all of the possible outcomes– most of which he won’t know until he gets into the surgery. That leaves a lot of room for worry. At first, my mind goes to worst case scenarios: not only could the surgery be long and involved, but Tony could have loss of function, and complications. Then there’s the possibility that he could be recovering in the hospital while I go into labor. Then what would we do? Just be ok with him missing the birth of his twin daughters!? Worry can be a downward spiral.
And then the other night as Caroline & I were praying, I realized that I’m jumping to conclusions again. I know, imagine that– a pregnant woman jumping to emotional conclusions!! I did this when we first found out we were having twins. People were ready to congratulate us and repeatedly said how excited they were for us. I was just scared– fearing a difficult pregnancy. But then, I realized the Lord gave us twins, and I could trust Him to walk us through each day of pregnancy. So why is my first reaction always to a bad scenario!? Maybe the Lord is closing the chapter of chemotherapy and all of its dreadful side effects before the twins’ arrival. Maybe this is just what we need in the timing that we need it.
Tony’s surgery is scheduled for Thursday morning at 10am. Of course we are still nervous about it and how all of this will play out for us. We are praying every day for healing and a minimally invasive surgery.
…and sometimes we just need a large visual reminder of where our heart needs to be through all of this.